Divorce use to be a big deal; a poor choice in society. Nowadays it is sadly common and 'normal'. When researching a bit, I found this website http://www.divorcerate.org/ and it said that the correct rate of divorce is about 41% and gets higher depending on how many marriages. Then it goes into more detail about each age group. I was surprised to see that the 20 to 24 year olds had a greater chance of getting divorce than the 20 and under year olds with about a 10% difference. To me, this is pretty significant. As young adults, what do you think about marrying young? And why do you think the 20 to 24 year olds have a higher chance of divorce?
I have thought about this a lot myself. I have been going out with my boyfriend for a little longer than 2 years and we just moved in together (which is going very well). And while we were discussing relationships, he said something that I hadn't ever thought about before. Many people who have had past relationships compare them with relationships they are in now. In a way sometimes that can be detrimental. I would like to think these 20 and under year olds have had fewer relationships. Do you think this could be a possible factor? Also when you think about what you are doing in each age group, what factors do you think about?
While we are on the topic of relationships, does anyone want to share some awesomely sweet stories about your partner?
Hooray for an all girl class!! :)
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Well, first of all this topic is really interesting to me and I'm looking forward to what others have to say about it. Divorce can be really hard not only on the individuals, but also on the families of the individual. I almost went through this with my parents about two years ago, and I know it really affected me as well as the rest of my family. Im actually puzzled by this statistic though. I thought that it would be higher for younger ages. I'm not against marrying young, but i do believe that people should wait. I feel that some people aren't fully sure of who they are when they're under 20, so they should take time to figure themselves out first before making a serious commitment to be with someone else. I like your idea as to how possibly not having other relationships to compare to might play a factor. I think thats interesting, and i also agree that people do usually compare past experiences to present ones. Usually this does affect relationships negatively, but it could also be positive. It could provide you with a way to see how your current relationship is better. Or also how you've grown as a person.
I thought it would be way lower too!!! Something else I was thinking was that maybe the younger people are more willing to work through any problem and are more open to change. I believe that the older you get the more you are set in your ways.
Also when I asked about 'partners', I meant past and present. Just for fun. :)
That is a very interesting statistic! I think marrying young depends on the situation. For some people, love is love, they are meant for each other, and their life together works well from a young age. However, I think most people need more time to reach a point in their life where they have enough life experience to create a successful marriage and a successful family structure, even if the family only consists of the husband and wife. Perhaps the reason the slightly older people have a higher divorce rate is because the older you get, the more pressured you feel to find success in life. For example if people get married young under 20, they might be in college and satisfied with that since they are so in love. But the the closer you get to 21, 25, even 30, I think most people feel pressured to find a providing job and a stable life. I think this stress may push people apart who did not fully know their expectations for life when they were married younger. It's just an idea, it is hard to analyze things like this because every person in every situation is different! I just find it sad when young people can sometimes be too hasty and ruin what could have been a possibly great family structure with a little patience and effort.
I really like Lauren's take on this subject. And like you guys I also thought the rate would be higher for the younger age group. I'm thinking that possibly the reason for the difference is because the younger group hasn't really experienced life. Finding a partner at a young age and being content with it could result from this. (Not that it's bad or anything.) Also I feel that perhaps the age group of early to mid twenties are transitioning between the phase of the partying young adult with nothing to loose, to the maturing adult who doesn't spend their weekends out til 4 in the morning. The trasition could be a sort of midlife
(or quarterlife?? lol) crisis about not being able to do what you want and having to share responsibilities with their partner. Not only are they now thinking of just themselves but also a whole other person. In times of crisis you notice people behaving irrationally. (ie: the 50 year old cheating on their spouse during their midlife crisis). However, at this age people are able to discuss situations such as these. The younger generations are less tolerant and feel they still have time to find their "true love". Just some rambling. Very interesting topic though.
As for the cute stories... I broke up with my boyfriend today so not exactly thinking of any of those lol!
Oh wow! That is a really surprising statistic!
I personally think that too many people rush into marriage nowadays. I have several friends that got married right after high school. Several of them were also in the military which takes me back to the topic of the absence of loved ones. It is true, that for some people love is love, and they are meant to be together forever, but for the majority of couples, love isn't enough. I am a romantic at heart, but I have to say I am plagued with cynicism! I think that people should take some time to grow with their partners before they get married. People rarely act the same at 20 and 30 because priorities and situations change. I also feel that people in the military feel compelled to marry their significant other in order to remain close and "save" their relationship from the hardships of dating long distance.
I also think you make a very valid point about younger couples not having other relationships to compare with their current relationship. In some ways this can be both a good and bad thing. For instance, your current relationship could be the most amazing thing ever! However, you have nothing to base your claim because you do not have another relationship to compare it to. It really all depends on the individual. Some people are very content with not dating around and other people definitely believe in the phrase that there are "plenty of other fish in the sea."
I think marrying young is a poor decision (although I guess the statistics are against me). Personally I think it’s better to get school done with, get your life somewhat stabilized, and make sure you are fully matured before you make the commitment of sharing your life with someone legally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. Some cases may be different where you are spending even more time going to school because of the career path you have chosen (a doctor for instance) and you may have that maturity to take the next big step before you are completely done with school, but for the most part I stand by what I said previously. I think the reason 20-24 year olds have a higher divorce rate because they haven’t fully figured out their lives, they are still in that transition mode where certain things are unstable and take a lot of time and effort that otherwise would have been able to been put to their marriage (for example putting most of their time and energy into studies that were harder than when they were under 20). Younger couples might have a lower divorce rate because, like others had said, they are more open to change. Then, maybe because they married when they had less troubles like the harder classes and more stress you get when you get older and by the time they get into the difficult stage of their schooling they have already figured out a system that works for them as compared to a couple who has to figure out how to deal with a stressful school life as well as a new marriage.
Comparing a current relationship to a past one could certainly have its affects, both good and bad, and maybe having less experience means having a happier, long lasting relationship for the young people, but I also think that having experience could be a good thing. A friend and I talked about this in high school senior year about a friend of ours who has been dating her boyfriend for two or three years now and if they don’t get married I will be very surprised, but my friend I was talking to made a very valid point to me. See, in the young couple, as far as I know, the girl has only ever dated him and if he has dated anyone it was only one other girl before her. So the point that my other friend brought up was that she was scared that because that’s all this girl has ever known, she might now know if that’s the relationship that is ‘the one’ she’s supposed to be in because she has nothing to compare it to. I argued that if that’s all she’s ever known, is that one relationship then it should be fine, because as long as they feel like they’ve found the person they want to be with for the rest of their lives then that should never change because, like she said they’ve never known anything but each other. She argued back that this girl needed a moment of “who do I choose” similar to what she had when she chose her now long term boyfriend over another guy who was interested. I understand that having past experiences could help someone choose to stay or end a relationship that may have something the other did not or lacked something the other had, but I also think that the case of the ‘monogamous couple’ is one good example of why younger couples stay together more than older couples; not the only reason maybe, but one reason none the less.
This topic is very interesting, however, I am not very surprised by the statistic (as strange as that sounds). My aunt and uncle were high school sweethearts and were married before they were twenty and are the happiest couple I have ever seen. Not only that, their older two children followed identical routes and have both been happily married for over ten years. I think that since it's not common to marry that young anymore, people only do it when they are absolutely sure that's what they want. Of course it doesn't work every time, but I think marrying young could be a good idea for a specific type of people.
As for the early 20's divorce rate, I'm not too surprised to hear that either. This age is typically one in life where so many things happen. I think a lot of people have trouble maintaining relationships while also leading the busy life of a 20-something-year old.
The increase of the divorce rate, also brought up, is sad to see. The only reason I can think of for that is that divorce is more commonly accepted. A few years back, many couples wouldn't get divorced, even if they needed/wanted to-it just wasn't what everyone did. These days though, that hesitation doesn't exist.
Hmm, cute stories? ha ha. Well I had been in a long distance relationship my entire senior year, and now I'm not anymore. No breakup-I moved to Albuquerque for school, terminating my long distance relationship but giving me a "regular" one. It'll be a year and a half for us in December.
Ok, so after staring at the computer screen and re-reading the post about 5 times I think I finally came up with something moderately intelligent to say haha. Personally finding out that 20-24 year olds have a higher chance of divorce was kind of shocking to me but after reflecting on it for awhile, I figured it must be because they rushed into the marriage at such an early age and had no idea what they were really getting themselves into. However, this conclusion didn't make sense when presented with the statistics about the 20 and under age group - for them to be more successful in their marriages is interesting. Maybe this is because of them having fewer relationships to judge against theirs but maybe they're also more committed to each other, which is why they got married so early in the first place. I guess the difference here would be rushing into something just because you feel obligated to do so after dating for a certain amount of time and choosing to spend the rest of your life together because you feel like there's no one else you'd rather be with. Hmm, I don't know if that makes any actual sense but I guess I'll stick with it as my "final answer" haha. It's weird what a big difference a few years can make!
I have never been in a relationship for more than one week. Sad, I know, but then I found out that, anthropologically speaking, humans were never supposed to be monogamous; we just are because we all think we're so damn smart. It's not a bad thing to have a spouse for the rest of your life, it just seems so hard for older people to stay together and people have always had a hard time doing that. This may be because when people fall in love when they're younger, they've fallen in love with their best friend. They know about all their partner's awkward stages and all of the things they are embarrassed/ashamed/proud of because, as adults, people are much more guarded about how things look and how they are SUPPOSED to be, rather than how they feel. I think it's even better when people fall in love and get married before twenty five because there is something so pure about life before that age that makes love the ideal fairytale.
I have never fallen in love with anyone except this boy I met on a plane when I was ten. I don't know if it counts, but before him, I had never thought of boys as anything special. They were just like me and then I met this kid and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Of course, I never saw him again after the plane landed in Texas, but every time a previous boyfriend has asked if I loved him, I had to say no because I didn't and it's hard to lie. After I met this kid, I knew why my mom and dad would fight and make up rather than just walk away.
As old fashioned as it may sound, I think that a couple should marry when they are out of school, are (somewhat) matured, and have a stable career or steady income, but most importantly, know what they want out of life. Though I think younger marriages can also be successful (something I've witnessed more than once), it seems like having more life experiences under your belt before marrying would help in the long run. However, it seems I am wrong! Perhaps having more experience in "playing the field" (or just experience and age in general) gives you more to compare your current partner to, which perhaps isn't always a good thing. I suppose being 20-24 years old is a very exciting age (I wouldn't know as much yet, but this seems to be a common idea)--perhaps couples at this age feel that they are just beginning to learn who they are, and realize that they still have plenty of time to choose "the one."
But then how does that explain the under 20 year olds? Wow. What an interesting topic! Now I've just got myself confused.
For me, I suppose I will wait until I am a bit older to get married, just to fully assess the situation, if that makes sense.
My boyfriend and I will have been dating for two years in November, which is great, don't get me wrong, but we have been discussing related topics recently. After all, we are only freshmen at UNM and have been wondering if, to feel more secure about our relationship, we need to see what else is out there, so to speak. Perhaps we will find something better and realize our relationship was immature, or maybe we will be more strengthened as a couple by the experience. Who knows? Either option seems as if its for the better, eh? I suppose only time will tell!
As someone who's parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember, I sort of have a different take on divorce than most people I think. In my opinion yes divorce rates are far higher than they should be, but at the same time, I think that to stay in a relationship with a person you are not compatible with for "the sake of the child" (as many couples have said) is only detrimental to the child. If a child grows up watching their parents argue all the time and scream and yell and just generally have a very unloving demeanor then the child will grow up thinking that that is acceptable behavior. I can say this because my ex boyfriend (thank goodness lol) grew up in a home such as that and he was constantly behaving that way towards me, even though he said he loved me and all that jazz. Every time I would talk to him about it and remind him that it's not appropriate to call your girlfriend a slut and a whore and all other sorts of things, he would always say that it was just what he saw growing up and he couldn't help it. So I do realize that divorce is far too prevalent in our society, but in my opinion, the costs to the child, both emotionally and developmentally, are far higher than the social repercussions of having a so-called 'high' divorce rate.
As far as young relationships are concerned I absolutely believe that part of the reason that people are more likely to stay together if they get married at a younger age is due to the lack of experience with other people. After all, if you don't know whats out there, obviously you can't miss it, so to speak.
And sorry about my depressing ex boyfriend story, but the good news is that since breaking up with him, I've found a guy who isn't psychologically screwed up and is actually really sweet. So for anyone who is in a bad relationship and thinks they are all like that, don't! nice guys do exist i swear :)
PS- Sorry for the late commenting, I was out of town all weekend, and just got access to a computer!
XO
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