So this is kind of a different topic than we've had before but I do think that most of us can relate to it or at least know someone who can, so bear with me here!
When I was trying to figure out what to write about I thought about something that all of us could relate to and I thought about a friend I had in Boston. Danielle, that's my friend, her entire life her parents pressured her to go to law school. Of course she went to college and majored in criminal justice, and frankly she hated it. She hated her classes, she hated the subjects she was taught, and she was dreading having to apply to law school. At one point I remember her calling her parents to tell them she was thinking about changing her major... this conversation was not a pretty one. Her parents simply couldn't support her doing anything besides being a lawyer, regardless of whether or not it was something she actually loved. Personally I felt so bad for her; I couldn't imagine knowing I was going to have to study and prepare to go into a field that I hated... and yet that is exactly what she was and still is doing.
So basically I was just wondering what everyone thought about situations like that? Do parents always know us better than we know ourselves and therefore have the right to tell us what is best for us to do? Are we as teenagers incapable of knowing what we should ultimately do with our lives? Or should we rebel against our parents and do what we think we want and see how it turns out?
12 comments:
This is an interesting problem because it is hard to know who is right! I am on the fence because I often think our parents know what is right for us. However, on the other hand, pressure from parents to do certain things, such as a specific major, can lead to a lot of unhappiness. I also have a friend who was majoring in pre-med. But a few weeks ago she realized that it was not her that wanted to be a doctor, it was her parents that wanted her to be a doctor. I think it was sad that she was scared to tell them her change of plans. I personally have been very lucky because my parents are very supportive of any career path I choose. Therefore, it is kind of difficult for me to say. I guess I think that a decision that concerns a person's whole life, such as a career path, should be made by that person because they will have to live with it every day. I think the problem happens when parents either try to live vicariously through their children, or when they think they know their children's tastes when they really do not. I think parents often know what is best for their children because they are older and wiser, but in the case of a college major, I think the kid should choose what they want! Not to mention the fact that we learn and succeed through trial and error!
I think situations like that are sad, and that although it is hard to go against our parents sometimes, kids need to stick up for what they believe is right for them, especially when it deals with our futures. I think that most of the time, parents do know what is right for their children, they’ve had more experience and were once teens and young adults themselves, but at the same time, they don’t have insight into you mind and unless we share with them everything that is on our mind, their judgment is only as good as their knowledge of what we portray to them. As teens, our live experience is limited, and sometimes it takes an outsider looking in to enlighten our minds to the bigger picture, but I also think we have very capable qualities to decide for ourselves what it is we want to do with our lives. Each situation is different though, and like Lauren, my parents are very supportive of what I choose to do with my life, sure, my dad wants me to become some big successful geneticist or something but he isn’t pushing me into anything right now. Thankfully the necessity to rebel against my parents has been kept to a minimum, but in some situations like Danielle’s rebelling would be the proper course of action (one she chose not to take). And, again, I agree with Lauren, part of life and growing up is trial and error.
I definitely know what it is like to stand on the line between listening to your parents and choosing your own path in life. I chose to leave my parents in Germany because I felt like I knew exactly what I wanted and needed. Looking back on the whole situation, my parents probably had much more insight than I did, but I don't regret moving back on my own. However, I don't necessarily believe rebelling against your parents is the best way to forge your own path. I believe that it is necessary to have an active conversation between your parents about your interests and aspirations. I think my parents would have had an easier time with me if we had talked more during high school. I often shut them out when they tried to reach out to me, so it wasn't exactly surprising when they did not understand where I was coming from all the time.
To this day, I continue to battle with what I want to do with my life and what is expected of me by my parents and family. My father is a doctor and my mother is currently working on her pH D in nursing. My mother is also from Thailand which adds a cultural variable to what is expected of me. Most of my extended Thai family expects me to become a doctor like my father, and I can't say the expectations of my father's side of the family are much different. Although my parents claim that I can do anything I want, I was only told that they were happy about my career choice when I told them I wanted to become a doctor. I know I have the desire to help people and make a difference around the world, but at this point in time, I am not sure if it involves medicine. I know that my parents only want what is best for me, but I can't do something that only makes them happy. I don't think I'm going to change my major anytime soon, but I definitely wouldn't know how to tell my parents if I did!
Like Lauren and Meagan, my parents are extremely supportive of my decisions. My dad occasionally needs convincing but that's not too hard. I do believe that when teenagers are at the stage between teens and young adults that they are fully capable of making their own decisions. Whether parents believe these decisions are best or not is not the case. At this age we learn from our mistakes and those mistakes make us stronger and give us life experience. Parents should realize that there are times when we still need them, but for the most part we have the most part we have the ability to think on our own and form our own thoughts and goals. (of course this doesn't refer to ALL people) Everyoe is different and matures differently. But all in all, at this point in our lives we should me more self relient and independent.
A lot of parents don't understand that, even though they may love their child, they have to let him or her stumble over his or her own mistakes. It's also really important for the child to make their own way, even if their parents are overbearing. My sister was always really abiding with whatever our parents wanted and, therefore, made it really easy for them to project themselves onto her or make her do things they wanted by being a little more pushy with her. It got to the point that they started treating her more like an adult at an age that was really inappropriate, which is where I usually stepped in. Independence is something that should be given just as much taken within a family.
While Tara's friend is in a really bad situation, it's better to go out and do something she loves. Her parents will always love her and they will eventually support her. It's hard to ignore the success of happiness, which is what I think her parents may be gunning for. Parents almost always want success and happiness in their child's life, it's just hard to see it when they're pushing so hard for it.
I do think that parents often know what is best for their child, but only in a broad sense. For example, parents may think it's best for their child to go to college (which is often the case), but parents may not know what their child should specifically study in college. I think that parents need to let their offspring make their own decisions, and only interfere when a bad decision is about to be made.
For me, my parents support my decisions because I've proved to them that I am in control of my life. I know it's not that simple for everyone, but my parents normally let me take the lead since I am so tenacious. It also helps that I have two older sisters. By the time I had to start making decisions, my parents had seen it all, or close to it. Sometimes I think that being the youngest child comes with more freedom.
Well, my parents definitely aren't of the "make your own mistakes, find your own way" school of thought - I'm pretty sure I'm one of the most sheltered people I know (literally my parents would freak out if I was late for my 11 o'clock curfew. That's right. I was 18 and my parents still made me be home by 11 on weekends. haha)
Ever since I was little, my dad always wanted me to be a physicist just like him and be in love with math. All this pressuring to be something definitely led to a distint aversion to the subject in general, so much so that I shudder to think about taking physics and calc 2 in college. My mom on the other hand always wanted me to be either a doctor or some kind of dentist or orthodontist. They aren't exactly outrightly unsupportive of my choice to be a marine biologist (at least that's what I plan on doing with my life so far haha), but they're also not as happy as they would be if I decided to follow any of the careers mentioned above.
I definitely think there's a line between helping your children and shoving your beliefs down their through though, and I feel like although it's difficult for parents to find the balance between this, it's something they need to do in order to have a healthier relationship with their children.
Well like others have posted before me, I do believe that parents do know in a broad sense what is best for their children. Parents really do want the best for their kids, so what they say is always (in their minds) best for their children. I do believe there is a difference however in guiding children in the "best direction" and forcing them in a certain direction.
My parents have always been pretty strict with me basically forcing me to have good grades and keep on the straight and narrow. The more I think about it though the more I realize, from my more mature perspective, that it really was in my best interest. They forced me to get good grades because when you think about it high school is the easy part, they never had anyone to push them so that they could go to college. They wanted me to go to college but never wanted me to go into any specific field, just something that would make me happy and financially secure.
However I have a friend whose parents wanted her to go into science or medicine (neither of which she wanted to.) Because she wants to go into sociology and work for the peace core, her parents will not help her pay for college. I can understand they'd probably prefer her to go for a career that she will be able to support herself with, but to refuse to help her because she is not follwing in their footsteps is just wrong. Why is that her only option?
I think parents do know what is best for their children, but only to a certain more general extent.
I think this is a very interesting topic. I feel like this situation happens all the time. Parents always feel that they know what is best. To a certain extent i think that they do, but they aren't always right. I believe that as our parents they do know us best, but they don't know exactly what will make us happy/ what we want to do. I think that is something that only each individual knows. I believe that parents should give their own opinions and advice on such matters, but the final decision should be left up to the individual. In the end it's going to be the individual that has to live with the decision and they should do what makes them happy. I think that parents should be there to support rather than dictate their children's lives.
I don't understand why anyone would think that some else, even if it is your parent, would know you better than you. This just does not make sense to me. We have our own feelings, our own thoughts, and we know what can make us happy or frustrated or whatever and what we need to do to be satisfied in our life. Letting someone else control this aspect is heartbreaking and wrong and as Lauren's story tells, it is hard to live with. I understand that our parents raised us and made us who we are, but at some point there job as a parent is done and they more of less need to guide us, not push us. And parent (hopefully) will come to realize that they are not doing what is best for their child, because most likely their push is leading to their child distress. Also, at this age, we do not rebel against our parents. Rebelling is for when we are in high school and sneak out to a party. This would just be strongly disagreeing. We can make our own decisions, I'm sure we have all had many life lessons we learned from, we can make our own decisions. Also at this age, we are at the beginning of our adulthood, what better time to make mistakes, switch our major seven times, learn from life. I don't think it's ever a bad thing to disagree with someone about what you want to do with your life. It's your life, I mean, Come on!!
Wow, great topic! Like others have mentioned, I think many times parents do know what is best for their children. I really like the way Leah worded it when she said parents know what is best for their children, "but only in a broad sense." I think that's a great way of putting it. Parents usually don't want us to make the mistakes they did, so to speak, so they advise us to get good grades in school, be hard working, go to college, to not drink and do drugs, and all that good stuff. In that sense, I believe parents are right in steering their children towards that certain path. However, when it comes to a child's future and their own life decisions, I believe that is something they have to choose for themselves.
Thankfully my parents have always been very supportive of what I've wanted to do (hence, me traveling to Paraguay for two months this summer) although I do admit my mom has become a little too excited about me majoring (for now) in Pre-med, despite my advice not to get her hopes up. I think others are right when they say that part of life is learning lessons, and sometimes you have to make mistakes in order to learn things about yourself and others. I think it's great for a parent to perhaps give suggestions, or help evaluate their children's options, but to completely pressure them into something they aren't passionate about seems excessive to me.
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