Thursday, September 9, 2010
Friends as Family
Hey everyone! I want to look into the theme "Friends as Family". For years, I went around from group of friends to group of friends until I found the right one. After staying in this group for four years (all through high school), I consider these friends to be my family. I feel their pain as strongly as the pain of my immediate family's. So what is everyones' take on friends as family? Do you truly believe that friends can be your family? Also, do you believe that there are instances where friends are better than your family? While giving your answers, try to relate personal experience (only if you want, of course) so we can learn more about you and better understand the point you are making. Looking forward to reading your replies!
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14 comments:
I wholeheartedly believe that friends can be your family. Although you may have an amazing bond between your parents or siblings, there is a unique bond shared between friends. I love my parents to death, but sometimes they don't really understand where I am coming from whenever we have a disagreement or a different point of view on a subject. I am not saying that I am looking for someone to agree with me all the time, but it is easier to relate to someone your own age. There are also some things that you can't tell your parents, and there are some things you can't experience with them either! My friends and I have been through it all with each other.
I practically spent the entire summer with my best friend in Germany. We were seriously connected at the hip after being away from each other for six months. We know each other so well that it's almost scary! I can tell her anything knowing that she won't judge me, but I also know that she will call me out when I fall out of line. For lack of a better name, she is truly my "wing woman." She was there for me through probably one of the hardest times in my life, and even now, she still looks after me from several hundred miles away. We share every moment--good or bad--with each other. We celebrate every achievement, and we feel each other's pain when life hurls an unexpected obstacle at one of us. I do not think our bond will ever break because it never wavered after our fights or address changes. My best friend is seriously the sister I never had. :)
Carolyn, you are so lucky. I don't quite know what to say to this topic because I might have whole heartedly agreed about 6 months ago, but now my best freind and roommate is moving out because she isn't adapting as fast as I am to the college life. I mean I always thoguth my kids would call her Auntie, but now our friendship is very severed and distant. This is an part due to her boyfriend as well as another friend who was jealous that she was living with me so she made sure and did some damage before we moved in together. Well the point of this story is that this would never happen with one of my family members. Sure we fight, but they don't drop me like a hot potatoe for a boy or another friend.. So lately I've been much closer to my mom because she has been giving me advice on the whole situation. I still have my guy best friend who has been there for 4 years but it's different with friends vs family because friends can drift whereas you'll always share blood (in most cases) with your family. I do however confide a lot in my guy best friend, things I can't always tell my mom because either she wouldn't understand or would be better off not knowing :). He has a different perspective on a lot of things, he's insightful, and a good listener. He is a lot like the older brother I never had and I really hope we don't drift apart.
Yes, I do believe that friends can be your family. Especially if you are away from home, at college for example, you begin to rely on and trust friends as if they are your family. I think there are some instances that friends can be your family if you are going through something that your parents can't relate to. Parents often do not remember what is like to be in high school or to be in young relationships, so friends going through the same thing can be a big support. I have a couple friends that I have known forever, and even though we don't talk all of the time or see each other a lot, our bond is completely intact when we are together. We still think the same things, share feelings, and laugh a lot. That is a perfect example of friends being able to be your family. In all of our definitions, we have said that your family are the people that are always there for you and love you unconditionally. For me, those old friends are the ones I have come to trust as family, people I can always rely on to support me, even if we do not see or talk to each other everyday.
I wish I could believe something so well as having friends for family. I'm very much in the same boat as Frances, although not for the same reasons. I never really had trouble making friends as a kid because my family moved around a lot and I just got used to dropping, moving then picking up again. Then we moved to New Mexico permanently and I starting making friends but could never keep them because I had a very poor judge in character. I have friends who think of me as their family, but I could never be the same. I don't even have a close relationship with any of my immediate family, I never did after we came to New Mexico.
My roommate's mom has been trying for the longest time to try to get my to let her in as a sort of surrogate mother, but I've never really been one to ask for support from outside help when I need it. So I suppose what I'm trying to get at here is that I wish friends could be family, but, for me, my family isn't even family, so how could friends be so?
I do believe that your friends can become your family. I have a close relationship with my family, but there are times where i can't tell them everything. This is where friends come in. I have had a really close friend that i've known since preschool. We went to school together up until 7th grade. Then i went to a different school, and we didn't get to see each other as much. However, we were still able to keep our close relationship till this day, and I can trust her with anything. She's always there for me, and I know that I can count on her. I see her has part of my family. The same goes for my really close guy friend. I met him in 7th grade when i moved to the new school, and then we went to the same high school. We became really good friends, and he was there for me through some hard times. No matter what he could always make me feel better. This past summer we spent even more time together, because we knew things would be different after college and even my family came to think of him as part of the family. However, i do agree with the idea that family who is blood related will always be there for you, and friends can always just pick up and leave you. I've also experienced that side of things. It sucks to be put in that situation, but I don't think you should let that hold you back from trying to form close bonds with others. It's all about finding the right group of people.
Frances - I'm really sorry, that's awful :( But I absolutely believe that friends can be your family. One of my favorite quotes of all time is "God made us best friends because he knew our parents couldn't handle us as sisters". I feel like this definitely applies to my two best friends and me - we've known each other since kindergarten and we've always been pretty tight. What I noticed though, was that out of all the people I was friends with before I moved to Maui, these were the two that really stuck with me and kept in contact even though we weren't even on the same continent anymore. I love how we can act utterly ridiculous together and we have so many inside jokes its kind of outrageous, and above all I love how I know that they'll always be there for me if I need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to rant to. What I feel really makes them like my family though is that even though we do get into fights/disagreements sometimes, we always make up and forgive each other like you would with your immmediate family.
I'd also say that for me, they're sometimes better than my actual family since until this year when I moved out I haven't really had a good relationship with my actual family.
Through everything though my friends were always there for me - they know literally everything about me and they bring out the best in me. :)
Tara, I'm sorry for you not feeling like you have a family. However, you seem like a very independent young woman and I'm sure through your experiences, you've formed a better judgement of people.
Frances, I went through something similar a while back. I personally consider my mom my best friend so we bond alot when i have a fight with any of my friends. And if you guys are this close, with time things will work out and she'll find a way back into your life.
As for the topic, like you Leah (as you know haha)I Have drifted around as well. I feel we are a family in ourselves. But like Frances said, family doesn't walk out on you. Even with myclosest friends I've felt like they've left me hanging when I need them most.I'd like to think I haven't done that to anyone but I can't say I haven't. In both cases there are times when you have to just sit back and let people do their own thing. The whole business on being able to tell friends things you can't tell family is true up to a cretain stage in your life. At a certain point you come to realize that other people's opinions don't really matter as much anymore. Not because you don't care about what they think, but because you've grown and can think for yourself. Whether the choices you've made are bad or not, your family will always be your family. And in this case your friends will also love you regardless of your choices. So yes friends can be family. I just don't think you really know who they are until you've grown up. And it all depends on who you want to keep in your life. Family is there if you want them or not. Friendship is a choice... which I think makes it that much more special.
So it seems like we've reached a general consensus with two main points:
-friends can be family, but
-the relationship is always different from that of real family, being that there are usually less connections to be broken when a friend leaves.
Ale's statement "Family is there if you want them or not. Friendship is a choice... which I think makes it that much more special" is a perfect denouement for this topic I think.
I definitely believe that friends can be family. I, like all of us, have filtered through friend group after friend group, and I feel like I'm beginning to find out which of my friends I can really consider to be my family, and which are just, well, friends. Like others have said, even though family is (usually) always there, there are just some things that you can't go through with family. I know that for me, I have two brothers who are quite a bit older than me (23 and 26), so we never went through school together (though we went to the same schools, mostly) or had the same friend groups. I know I have two twin friends who graduated with me in May, and I always kind of wondered how I would have benefited (or not) from having a sibling the same age as me. Has anyone been in this position? How did it hurt or help you?
Anyway, as I was saying, friends can be better in those certain instances. Especially now that my dad passed away, my oldest brother especially has taken to being the "man of the house," which has almost made me more afraid to tell him about some of the stupid things I do (it isn't a whole lot--don't worry!). We are beginning to find a balance though, to where I can share almost anything with him. On the reverse side, my two brothers are two of my best friends!
Coming from a small family, explicitly just me and my mom, I really do understand what it is like to have your friends be your family. My best friend and I have been friends for going on 10 years now and she really is like my sister; we talk all the time, we are always painfully honest with each other and we know each other better than anyone else does. I honestly think that everyone needs someone outside of their family that they are close to. That might sound a little strange, but I do have a reason for saying it: the way that people interact with their family is completely different than the way that one should interact with the rest of the world. For example, when someone gets into a fight with their family, a lot of the time things will be said that may cross a line or two and because they are family, we somehow find this behavior okay even though if anything like that had happened with other people it has the potential to ruin friendships and relationships of any kind.
I think we all need someone who keeps us sane; someone who tells us when our hair is messed up and when we have something in our teeth, who cries with us when we're sad, laughs with us when we're happy and most of all is our friend for better or worse. So yes, i believe that that person or people in ones life is in a way their family in their own special way, but most of all I think that everyone needs someone that makes home home, whether they share your DNA or not, all that matters is that they matter to you.
The one big difference between friends as family and family is that friends can go as they please. And family is forever (for the most part). When you having a falling out with a friend, they are sually gome forever, but not with family Right now, after high school, my friend family left and there was a breaking apart and it was just all very hard and emotional for me. But it also made me realize who was really there for me and who is really apart of my family. But I definitely think that you can have that family. We are social animals, we want people around us.
Meg, I have a sister who is two years younger than I am and we have spent a lot of time at the same schools together. It wasn't until high school though that we became really close. I am so glad that she is close to me in age becuase even though I don't tell her everything, I do tell her almost everything. She knows me so well and we can laugh and talk for hours becuase when we were both at the same school we knew what was happeing as opposed to having to explain the entire story to our mom or something. It's not to say that we don't fight because we do a lot, but the difference between her and a friend is that I know she won't leave me. Like Tara said we do cross the lines more with family members than with friends because we are afriad of losing that friendship. But back to having a sibling close in age, it really is great and I love her so much she really is one of my best friends, and I'm glad she'll be up here in 2 years.
My 1st comment was for Taylor. Sorry the confusion on my part lol!
Well I think that family and friends are different. While in some cases you can have friends who are over all the time and become super close to your family, I also think family issues are still separate from your family. From personal experience I think that even though you may tell your friends all about what's happening with your family, and some of it they may experience first hand, there is still a line. Your friends can always step back into their own lives, while you are still dealing with family issues and have that inner connection that friends do not have with the rest of your family. I also think though that friends can be their own type of family circle. Obviously different from your blood family, but they are a support system all their own. In this way I think that they can be your 'family' when dealing with things you may not necessarily want your family to know. (Grades, relationships, etc.)
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