Hey Girlies!!! My turn. So, since all of us are girls, I'm hoping all of us have seen Cinderella. We see the family relationship between the evil step mother and step sisters. I wanted to know what your thoughts were on the whole topic of mixed families. Does the movie portray realistic relationships between step parents and step siblings? Or is this a false fear Disney puts in childrens' heads about mixed families not being able to get along? Can a person suddenly form a familial bond with a person they've never known? Also, in being a step parent, would one have the same authority and ability to discipline a child as a biological parent?
Hope you guys have a great week and we'll see you next week
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WOO! I've decided to start changing my life around and fight my procrastinating tendancies by being the first to reply to this post :P haha.
I really don't think that Cinderalla realistically portrays a mixed family interaction - I mean for one thing you never hear about someone being forced to act as a servant for the rest of their family just because they aren't biologically their son and daughter. This merely served as a plot device in the fairy tale so that Cinderella would be portrayed as deserving of a romantic moonlight waltz with the handsome prince and a 'Happily Ever After'.
(Of course, if fairy tales were realistic the prince never would have found her anyway because you just can't find someone based on shoe size :P haha)
This isn't to say that there isn't cruelty in mixed families where children and step parents and step siblings don't get along, but it certainly is never to the degree that Cinderella experienced. It's very difficult to form a familial bond with someone who you've never known in that context before but I've seen it happen in several friends' families where they do all get along because everyone works hard at establishing a bond of friendship and cooperation first. Although to be honest, I've also seen situations where everything in the house is just awkward because step parents try too hard to fit in with the children and be the "cool parent". It's all about finding balance.
Finally, I really don't think it's possible for a step parent to have the same authority as a biological parent unless they've been involved in the child's life from a very early age. Children usually tend to be more loyal to their biological parents and are confused about why they should submit to someone who they don't really see as an authority figure in their lives but rather as an intruder.
I love Cinderella :) From my outlook on life, I don't think the movie portrays realistic relationships between step parents and step siblings because I have never seen a mixed family behave that way, but that is not to say that none exist like that. There are probably not many families like Cinderella's to that extent of rivalry, but it is possible for mixed families to not get along. Especially if a step parent comes into the life of a teenager, there is bound to be some tension, at least at first. However it is also possible for a child and a step parent to get along from the start. From what I have seen in real life, it is a much easier transition for children to deal with a step parent if they are either really young or have already matured into adulthood. If the child grows up with a step parent, they are more likely to respond to them. Similarly, if a child has already reached independence and adulthood, they are probably more likely to get along with a new step parent because they are not so vitally attached to them. It is probably most difficult for adolescents because they rely pretty heavily on their parents, so if one parent is missing for whatever reason, the introduction of a new person in their most difficult years is bound to make them a little bitter and/or hesitant.
Yay Lauren! I love it too.. That being said I have not seen but know that sometimes relationships like this among step parents and chilren exist. My grandma had a sort of "Cinderella" experience. Her mother died when she was young leaving her father with about 8 children to reaise on his own. He remarried Mary, a wealthy single woman in the community. And she was the devil. Even people in my little town (I grew up in the same area that my grandma did even though she and and my Grandpa left there before my mom was born) who weren't related to the family knew how awful Mary was, and had heard stories of her and how she'd treat the kids. Well the story did end happily, she married my grandpa at 16, well it was the 50s, and they were married for 53 years til she died. I guess in today's times step parents are more common than in my grandma's day, so maybe those sort of relationships have changed quite a bit.
P.S. Isn't Walt Disney's obsession with dead mothers weird?
No I don’t think Cinderella portrays reality in step parent and step sibling families; maybe to an extent, but not going as far as making the child basically a slave in their own household. I think that some relationships such as these may have tension and dislike between them sometimes, and biological children of the step parent may be favored but, like I said, not to the extent that Cinderella was used and abused. I also think that it is possible for someone to form a familial bond with someone they’ve never known, obviously it’ll be easier to form a bond with them if the child is young, but I also think it is possible for a bond to be formed at any age, I just think it would take time especially at preteen and teen ages. As far as disciplining the child as a step parent I think it is definitely not ok if they assume the same authority as a biological parent unless the child was so young when they first had the step parent that they are all the child has ever known. If there are any ill-feelings between the two (step parent and child) then these feelings may come out in their discipline if they are allowed this authority. Cinderella can be an example for this, albeit an exaggerated example, but an example none the less. (Also, in the case of Cinderella, the biological parent wasn’t there to monitor the step parents disciplining).
I love disney movies! I agree with what you all said about it not being realistic. I don't think that mixed families have this type of "wicked" relationship. I do however think that the familial bonds are harder to form. This also depends on what age the child is brought into the new family. At a younger age, you have more time to develop the bonds slowly. You grow up with the family, and in that you share experiences that bring you closer together. When you're older, you've already had many experiences and have a life of your own.
I don't think that step parents can ever have the same control as biological parents. Children don't react the same way towards others, or feel that they need to listen to them as much. I think this is because of the type of bond. They feel that because they are blood related they are forced to listen. If they are step parents they see a weaker bond, and associate it with less control.
haha yeah I do find the disney obsession with dead moms a little bit weird
This kind of thing really depends on how old the child is when the parent gets remarried and if the second parent is still alive. Cinderella was thoroughly crippled by the absence of her parents because she was a a critical developing time with the family relationship. But in general, I think that the step-parent has just as much authority as the absent parent would have had and that a child can form a strong bond with him or her if the child is inclined to do so. I have a friend who has three different mothers, two of them are ex-step moms and she loves them all equally. Every Thursday she has dinner with one and she goes shopping with the other all the time. As far as the authority thing goes, if the parent has played their cards right there's no reason for the kid to be suspicious of anything he or she has to say.
I've also never been a part of a mixed family, so I really don't have much experience, but in most cases where I have friends in that situation, they like having another role model to take the pace of the absent one.
Ale, literally every time a subject similar to your post comes up, you are the person that pops into my head. I have never seen anyone as close with a step-parent as you are with your awesome dad. You are living proof that additions to the family can be a truly amazing and life-changing experience.
As for Cinderella, it's not necessarily realistic due to some parts of the situation (ie Cinderella forced to be a servant). However, Cinderella's ordeal more than likely reflects some relationships that exist in the world (although I haven't seen it myself). I think the bottom line is, there is no one in this world that gets along with everyone they encounter. In life, as well as remarriage, clashes unfortunately happen.
I think it's definitely possible to form a familial bond to someone you've never know, as I pointed out at the start of this post. A person may be born with a family, but that doesn't mean that they can't change it up a little until they find happiness.
AHHH!!! Disney references are awesome! :) Even though I love the story of Cinderella, I agree with everyone saying that it is not a very accurate portrayal. I think the majority of people that get remarried and try to combine their families have fairly good intentions. I also think most families try to find a comfortable dynamic for everyone involved. However, I do not think that it always happens in some families.
I have not experienced this for myself, but one of my friends has gone through having a "new" family several times. Her dad has been married three times and will soon be in his fourth one! I know that she had a difficult time adjusting to every new family situation she was put in, and I don't blame her! I can't imagine gaining and losing family members like that. She was also extremely close to her step-siblings, but after their parents' divorce, they hardly talk now. They all act like strangers instead of the family members they used to be.
I also think it is possible to form a familial bond with someone you've never known, but I think it gets more difficult the older you are. It is easier to grow with a familiar adult figure in your life at a younger age, than to be bombarded by the prospect of a new parent when you are a teenager or adult.
I think the Brady Bunch is a nicer model of a mixed family! haha :)
Haha well thanks Leah!
N yeah I agree with you guys on the whole issue of the age of the child. When my mom married my step dad I was really young, but the step brother who was living with us was around 16 at the time and there was alot of tension in the house for a good while. He'd try to start fights between my mom and step dad. Now that all of us are basically grown up (for the most part),we all get along fairly well haha.
I think that friends can absolutely be family. I mean after all, there are tons of people out there who don't have blood family, and i doubt that they would consider themselves family-less. Or perhaps think of adoption; there are lots of babies adopted at birth who's adopted parents become their family and they have absolutely zero genes in common, and in my experiences, I believe that in some cases their parents love them even more than if they had actually given birth to them.
And although I do love disney movies, I do think that they install too many impossibilities into children's minds, giving them ideas of the 'perfect' life: the perfect way to look, the perfect way to act, the perfect guy, the perfect relationship, and the perfect, well, everything. And sadly, that just isn't the way life works. Families included. Oh and I think step-parents are slightly over generalized into one group; the reality is that people are people and there are people who will marry other people with children and will love those children just as much as if they were their own, and then there are people who won't love those kids as much as they should. People are people, and their personalities and sense of responsibility (or lack there of) varies as much as the weather here in NM... which in my opinion in a whole heck of a lot!! :)
Like most other people said, I also do not think that Cinderella portrays a realistic relationship between step-parents and step-children. While I do believe that it is possible to form an extremely tight bond with a step-parent or child, I think it can get more difficult with age. When a teenager or older child is more used to only having the one biological parent and are suddenly expected to accept a new parent, I think there can be some tension, though, as I said, it is always possible to form a bond and connect. This being said, I also don't think that it's okay for the step-parent to have the same level of authority as the biological parent--depending on the relationship. I say this mostly because kids are less likely to listen to someone they've just met, as opposed to their biological mother or father.
Like everyone else said, of course Cinderella doesn't realistically portray family. I think age does play a big role in it. My parents are divorced and when my mom started dating, I was surprised and everything changed for me at that point. Of course I hated every guy she dated, but that didn't mean they weren't good guys. I feel like bad people come rare these days. Or I would hope.
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