Hey everybody! Lately my mom has been tuning into shows like "19 and Counting..." and "Kate Plus 8." Even if you haven't seen them, I bet you've heard of the "Octomom." What do you think about these super-sized families? Is it "the more the merrier?" When do you draw the line? At what point do you think these parents should step back and say, "Woah, we might need to take a break"? Or should they continue having children? How do you think the children are affected by this lifestyle? What are the positives and negatives of having such a large family?
Anyway, those are just some questions to get your brain pumping. If you'd like, you can also mention your own family! What are your experiences with a large (or small) family? Do you ever wish you had a larger or smaller family? Why or why not?
I hope you guys have a good week! See you next Wednesday! :D
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12 comments:
My mom's family is huge like that as well, but I think there's a difference between what they did and the people on television who have obscenely large families. There's a HUGE shortage of good parents in the world for all the kids who need them and it makes me sick to see people procreate like rabbits when there's a child somewhere without a family. I understand the love and compassion in the experience of having "your own" child, but it's just selfish to make your own kids go through being just one of the litter.
Many of my aunts hold grudges for having had to grow up in a large family and they still have their own little labels: the smart one, the pretty one, the successful one and the powerhouse and so on. More than four kids seems really excessive to me and unfair to those who need parents and might not ever have one.
I wish I had had a larger family growing up. I am so envious of people with HUGE families! But, nonetheless, I love the family I have. My parents thought one child was enough for them. They wanted to be able to not only provide for me, but also give me the childhood they never experienced for themselves. My father was the oldest of five and my mother was the oldest of seven so they both knew the positives and negatives of having a large family. They both had to grow up fairly quickly and often assumed the role as another parent for their siblings. I never had to experience that type of responsibility, and I had an amazing childhood, and I was given everything I needed or possibly wanted. However, it would have been nice to have a sibling to direct some of the blame when I got in trouble!
I don't necessarily oppose huge families like the ones on TV, but it all just makes me wonder how much attention each child receives. I'm sure it is incredibly demanding trying to take care of that many kids. I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle it. I think that two children is plenty in most cases especially with the economic demands of today's society.
I think these super sized families are ridiculous and it’s unfair to the kids to be both exposed to reality TV like that as well as irresponsible of the parents to have that many kids while not being the parent they should be. I really do like large families and if you are going to have one I think it’s important that you make sure you have the resources and skills to do so before you start. The line should be drawn at your own limit and this needs to be looked at in a responsible manner because clearly people bite off more than they can chew all the time. I also think though that some families who are big and have lots of children (but not the ones on TV) are because of religion. I went to Catholic school for nine years and contraception of any kind is not condoned (yes, this includes condoms); couples are supposed to be open to life at all times so if you like having sex with your husband and you just happen to get pregnant every other time then so be it, it’s God’s plan for you, so in this sense I think large families can be the result of a religious belief. Again, I think the effects of large families on the children have to do with parenting skills. I’m not one to say how many is too many, but some people manage. My mom’s mom had six kids and they all grew up fine and are pretty close. Looking at this I actually like big families and I definitely want my kids to have siblings, I think it’s a healthy experience because I love having a brother. I have a good relationship with my parents, but he’s someone who gets things about the family no one else can because, in a way we’re on the same side of the equation, to me a sibling relationship is like nothing else in the world. Having a big family is like sharing the wealth, more bonds to make, more love all around, it’s my dream to have a somewhat big family, I’m not talking like 19 and counting or whatever that show is, but I think 6 would be my absolute limit; even then, that’s quite a few munchkins to have. The way I know this works is because my grandparents did it, but even then my oldest aunt and my youngest uncle are 20 years apart (I’d be kind of weirded out if my parents got pregnant in a year and 3 months when I turn twenty).
But, anyway, I think having a big family is a big responsibility and needs to be considered carefully before taken on.
Well my dad came from a HUGE family-11 siblings! However, my dad and their siblings had a great life growing up. Their parents were strict but loving parents who gave all they could to their children.
As for how I'm affected, I love having 37 first cousins. My family is so loving and supportive. No matter what problem or question I have, guaranteed there's going to be someone (whether it be an aunt, uncle, cousin, or grandparent) who's willing to help me.
Even though I love my huge family, I don't think it's for everyone. I think it was more of an old-age thing to have as many kids as my grandparents. Nowadays, there are so many kids that need homes. I think adoption may be a better option for people who want a lot of kids. However, I'm not blind to the fact that the whole adoption process is both difficult and expensive.
In talking about huge families like on tv, I think it depends on the family. While I think it is a bit excessive to have nineteen children, the Duggar family is actually pretty respectable because they are teaching good morals and values to their children. Not to mention the faction that they have smart enough business ventures to fund their large family. However, unfortunately, sometimes much of the parenting is left on the older children's shoulders because two parents is not enough for nineteen children! But then you look at Kate Plus 8, and all you hear in the tabloids is how she has nannies around to watch her children all of the time. That is a sad example of having so many children. Like I said before, nineteen children is excessive to me personally, but at least they work to have their own money to support all of their children as well as teaching them good values.
I actually have a small immediate family with only one sister, but a rather large extended family! This is a perfect set-up for me I think because four is a perfect number so that there is close-knit relationship between my sister and I and our parents. However, I love having a huge extended family because there are so many people to hang out with and talk to! :)
I agree with what most of you have said so far about the TV families. I think that having that many children is just really excessive. I don't see how each child can get the attention that he/she deserves. Also, with TV families the children are constantly in the media, this on top of less attention just doesn't seem like it's fair to them. I believe that when one decides to have children it's because they're ready to really give up part if not all of their life to care for that child. Therefore, people who decide to have children should make sure that they have enough time to care for each one of those children equally, and give them all the attention that they deserve.
As for my family, at times I do wish that i had at least one other sibling, preferably a sister haha. I only have one younger brother, but this is ok with me i guess. I would say we have each received the care and attention we've needed throughout the years. Also, i have a very very large extended family like some of you have said. This is more than enough to fill that little gap of wanting another sibling. However, with a large extended family I feel like it's really hard to be close. I'm only close to a few of my relatives, and others I barely even see or talk to.
Well I definitely agree with everyone about tv families being excessive, and religion playing a part into why some families have so many children. I know a family that has 8 children, the oldest is 17 and the youngest is 3. They are very catholic, and don't beleive in contraception. I think that the way they've chosen to live is obviously their choice, but I don't think it is right for them to have the oldest help them and be the "2nd mommy." She has told me before that she does not want any children now. Well it makes sense because it's like she has already raised some. I think I just want on (maybe 2) children because they are expensive lol and with the job I want it would be difficult to have many more than that.
I'm always really shocked when I hear stories about families like this since it amazes me that women are willing to go through childbirth so frequently and so many times!! I think these families are basically outrageous fundamentally because having that many kids is a massive drain on the family's resources, and there's no possible way that the parents are able to spend as much time with the children as is necessary for them to grow up and have healthy social relationships. I absolutely agree with everyone when they've said that kids will get lost in the mix and just not be able to stand out in their parents eyes at all, making such large families to be unfair to the entire family. However, on a brighter side I can definitely see how having such a big family would cause the siblings to form much tighter bonds amongst each other since they would all help each other out while the parents would be more busy caring for the newest additions of the family.
Personally, I would draw the line at two chlidren (but that's just me and because I've seen how stressful it is only raising two children), but I feel like universally after 4 children, the parents should definitely step back and reassess the situation and possibly say, "yeah, maybe we do need to slow it down for a couple of years." Then again, I really can't judge since it seems like many of these families seem to function pretty well together, and let's face it, it's always increadibly interesting to hear about them in the media.
Frankly I think that shows like that encourage people to have more kids when it isn't necessarily the best choice for that individual and that family. I mean realistically how is every child supposed to get the attention they need and deserve when there's 8 or 9 of them and only 1 or 2 parents? I feel like shows like that, and shows like "16 and Pregnant" encourage people to have more and more children at younger and younger ages when that isn't necessarily the right thing to do.
For me personally, It's just me and my mom, and yes sometimes I wish that I had a bigger family, but I also feel extremely blessed to have the chance to be as close to my mother as I am. I really don't think that we would be as close if my mother had had many more children.
I agree with what a lot of you guys said. I usually don't oppose large families, and often wish I had a larger one myself! My dad was an only child and my mom wasn't close with her two siblings, so it's just me, my two older brothers, and my mom now. It seems that everyone is generally happy with the family situation they have--and I feel the same way! I hope to basically have two boys and then a girl, just like me and my brothers. For some reason it just worked out really nicely for us, and I would hope for a similar result in my own family.
These TV families often go to extremes, though. I think if you can handle many children like the Duggars who have 19, and you can support them and provide for them financially, then go for it. However, as some of you mentioned, sometimes that many kids don't get the individual time they need with their parents; in the Duggars' case I can hardly imagine each of the 19 children having one on one time with their parents regularly. I also agree with Lauren (and others) when she said that it's also a bit of a negative that a lot the responsibility of watching the smaller kids falls upon the shoulders of the older in the family. Though this can teach the older siblings important lessons about responsibility, they need time to be kids, too!
Thanks for all of your great responses!
I like what Frances said about the "2nd mommy" thing. It reminded me of a quote I saw in, you guessed it, THe Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (1 or 2, can't remember). The quote was
"When Bugs Bunny looked at Daffy on the deserted island, he saw roasted duck. When Tibby's parents looked at her, they saw a live-in teenage babysitter".
That quote always irked me a little bit. I don't think it's fair for an older child to lose priveledges just because their parents made the decision to have kids way later. However, I think it's a responsibility of the entire family to take care of any new additions. I just don't agree with forcing kids to be the nanny. I think if you leave them alone, they'll be more willing to help.
Again agreeing with everyone, TV family are excessively large are just too much. There is no way the parents can give equal time to each kid when they have 18 people in their lives. It's physically impossible and that is definitely not fair to anyone. It's hard to say that I oppose to families growing to that size, becuase (Ihavent actually watched the shows) no one seems too unnaturally unhappy. Just normal family problems that any one would have to deal with. But I would definitely not advise for anyone to build their own child army. i hear hows it hard raising one kids, but what about 19. Seems unlikely to keep everyone sane in my opinion. I do like having a large extended family though. Just seeing all kinds of different aspects of relationships and I think you can just learn so much from family that you don't have to see all the time. It's like your blood friends almost.
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