Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Moms with Degrees
So I have had this discussion lately with my suitemates. The dilemma I constantly have and that we were discussing was having children. We are all females attending an istitution of higher education, so why are we coming to college for 4 or more years if we want to be moms. So my question is do you want to be a stay at home mom with a degree, or do you want to have children and still work? What age do you plan to have children, if any, and what do you think about the stigma placed on women to have children especially at a young age. How does this have an effect on many young women's decisions about higher education?
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11 comments:
First again! :) :)
I think we go to college because we don't want kids until a much later time. We will be out of college at about 21 or so if we just stay the four years, and that is very young to be getting married and having kids I think. Seems like thats the age to truly party it up and have fun! And even if you go to grad school, you'll have lots of time to make babies! I think at such a young age, having a kid just pulls you done and doesnt let you succeed in life. I mean look at teen mom, most of them are still struggling to get finish high school or get their GEDs. I think that a girl out of high school who doesn't want to go to college and have a baby instead is a little bit crazy. It just really doesn't make sense to me. More and more in this generation, woman are becoming the sole providers in the household as well. Having a fantastic stay at home dad is a great change to society now a day and its definitely something to think about. I think if mother who still wanted to work and take care of a child would need that support of a husband. I actually don't think I'm ever going to have children. I am only 19 which amkes it hard to think about,but in all honesty i dont. I'm not exactly sure why I have thought this because I know I could take care of a child and love it, but there are so many factors in bringing in a new person; environmentally and physically (personality, etc.) I always use to hear that when my biological clock starts ticking then I'll want them, but that will be far done the road.
I do definitely want to be a stay at home mom, but until then I'm going to need a good job to support myself and when I get married, until we do have children, it'll be good to have two paychecks coming into the house. I think I take a lot of what I think I am going to do with my life from my own Mom. She has her masters in teaching, but she became a stay at home mom when she had my brother, but until then she worked as a teacher and it also helped that my Dad got a job at Intel, so after all that happened, they had a steady income and she had a child, so she was able to become a stay at home mom. I don't have specific age in mind that I'm going to have children. I first need to take the step of dating, then marrying before I think about children and that has yet to happen so for me it's one step at a time. I'm not sure if there is a pressure for women to have children at a young age, I know I don't feel pressured to have children at a young age. I think everyone is different and will have a family, if they so desire, in their own time. Some women may feel pressure between choosing between getting a degree and saying, oh I'm going to be a stay at home mom so I don't need an education but I think it's always good to have a back-up plan, and as Seemay said, in this day and age, single mom's are having to provide for their family, so a higher education is necessary. Another factor is that stay at home dads are becoming more popular so if you and your husband decide that you should be the one bringing home the bacon, having a degree is worth it.
I agree with Seemay for most of this. My mother was a single parent while trying to form a name for herself, i.e., she was trying to get a job, finishing her education and raising a child all at the same time. It was hard for her, but that's because my sister's father was unwilling to acknowledge his daughter. My mother was always an exceptionally strong woman and never took any nonsense from anyone and that's why she was so successful with raising her family and making money. Not many women can do that.
There's a lot of work involving raising a child while still keeping up with the reputation of powerhouse women that is currently all the rage. I always thought that having a child at a young age was a testament to the idiocy of the newer generations, but successfully raising that child in a family has become a sign of strength within families. Women have worked so hard to be able to have jobs and vote and all that fun stuff, quitting now wouldn't be much fun.
Well, this is a bit different for me. I don't plan on ahving children... which really freaks my roomate out for some reason. Maybe My plans will eventually change, but even when I was little I never really played house. Maybe its just the fact that I do enough motheringwith my friends. anyways, back to the topic... If I were to have children, I would definately be pursuing my education and getting a degree. I think I would go absolutely crazy being a stay at home mom. Though I know the work is stressful and hard, I don't feel I'd be able to cope with myself. I think way to much and need to keep my mind off everything. It seems a bit selfish I guess but I just can't picture myself with a family of my own... it's weird to me. I'm going to grow up and be that grumpy old lady down the street that yells at all the kids to get off her yard and keep away from her flowers lol!
I think I would rather be a working mom than a stay at home mom with a degree. I can't really imagine it any other way. My mom had me when she was 33 and she worked full-time throughout my childhood. I don't think it had an adverse effect on me. Sure, I missed my mom, but she did her best to spend a couple hours with me every day. My mom now stays at home now that I'm out of the house, but she's working on getting her PhD! I know it's hard for my mom to balance both the household and coursework, but she has done an extremely amazing job doing both.
I'm kinda torn on this issue of the right time to have kids. I don't want to have kids at a later age, but at the same time there are so many things I want to do and accomplish before I get married or start a family. I don't think it would be fair if I had a family and decided to travel the world for six months, and I don't think it would be fair to myself if I didn't take the opportunity to do certain things while I'm still young. Being young is the time to be selfish in some aspects. I mean, this is really the time to do what you want and find out the person you are. I would rather do the crazy stuff now, then later and have it be called a midlife crisis.
I like all of the posts everyone has left so far! In terms of being a mother with a degree, my own mom is pretty much my idol. She went to college and got a degree, got married, and had my sister and I. Then she was able to work from home as well as spend a lot of time with my sister and I. I think this is the perfect set-up because she succeeded in her own life by achieving a college degree. Then she had work to keep her from going stir-crazy at home but she was able to be with us nearly all of the time. I think the attention from my mom at a young age has truly affected my development as a person in an extremely positive way, and I hope to do the same for my own children. Therefore, I plan to have children after I have received a degree in order to have a good job. Then I hope to have a flexible and successful enough job that I can balance my own work goals as well as be able to spend time with my little ones a lot of the time, like my own mom did!
I think women just need to look inside and decide what they truly want in terms of having a family and/or degree. If their greatest goal in life is to be a legendary businesswoman, perhaps they should refrain from having children so they do not get neglected. On the other hand, if a woman only wants to be at home with her children, perhaps a degree is not necessary for her. And if a woman wants both, and feels that she can more than adequately give attention to both, more power to her! :)
I think that I would want to have children and still work at the same time. I like Lauren's idea of working from home being ideal, like her mom has done. However, for the field I want to go into I'm not sure if that would be possible. So, I would definitely say I'd want to be working. Both of my parents worked, but they still found time for me and my brother. I think this shows that it's definitely possible to find a balance.
As for the age at which I plan to have children, I'm not really sure. All i know is that I want to finish my education first and then focus on having children and all that after. I think it would be really difficult to try to complete my education while also trying to raise children.
I definitely want to have children, preferably kind of early on (before I hit my 30s). Personally, I would want to be a stay at home mom rather than continue my career while having children probably because that's what my mom did with me, and I'd just feel more comfortable spending as much time with my kids as possible instead of coming home stressed and tired from work and not being able to bond with them as much as I would if I did stay at home. However, that doesn't mean that I don't want to have a career at all - I definitely feel like getting out in the world and making your mark is important to any person, but I would absolutely be willing to give that up just for the extra time I'd get to have with my children. I really don't think the idea of having children at a younger age has any impact on my choice about completing college and going to grad school, I just think of it more as like something to occupy my time with until I do have children.
For myself, I have really high expectations and big dreams. However, I would have to put that all aside if I were to become a mother. Personally, I want to wait to have kids until after I finish medical school. I want to be completely settled before I have children. However, I do realize that many women will be "settled" way before I will be.
I think that most of us will agree that it is important to have a degree. Even if a woman just plans to be a "stay at home mom", I think that it is still a good idea for her to have her degree to fall back on should she need to. I think that moms have the ability of be both successful in motherhood and school.
For me personally, having a career is definitely a priority. I couldn't imagine not having that. However, that being said, I believe that family also needs to have an important role in an individual's life. To me I believe that finding a career that your passionate about, and then, if later on in life you do end up with children and a family, then they should come first. But I believe that some women who could have had great careers and became stay at home moms at an early age can become resentful of their families, and I would never want to feel resentment for my closest loved ones. But that being said, it is such an individual decision whether or not to give up your career to be a full time mom; everyone is different and the best thing for one person could be the worst thing for someone else.
Thanks everyone for your comments! They really helped to answere my question about the mentalities of young women pursuing higher education regarding children. I personally still cannot decide if I will have children younger or older or if I will stay home or not. My mom did and I think it had a really positive influence on my growing up. Lately I see babies and I really think I want one soon, but I know I want a job with the government that will more than likely involve traveling. I know having a degree is a must, but I'm not sure where and when children will fit into the picture. Well as I say whatever is meant to happen will happen (one way or another) Thanks for the great feedback!!
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