I personally think I am closer to my mother, but during my childhood I think I spent an equal amount of time with both of my parents. Both of my parents had full-time jobs so any time I had with them was really special. However, I think I may have had a transition from being closer to my mother than my father. I think I became closer to my mom when I got older because I realized that it was super awkward to talk about boys and teenage girl drama with my dad.
So, please write what you think about it! I hope you all have a great weekend! :)
10 comments:
Yay I am the first one to comment! Good topic, Carolyn! I think it is kind of tough to identify exactly what makes a child closer to one parent or the other, but it does probably come down to how much time they spend with which parent and mostly the quality of that time. I think a "daddy's girl" or a "mama's boy" happens when the child finds something that makes them able to connect with the interest of a certain parent. For example, if a dad loves to fish and his daughter (or son!) shows a lot of interest in fishing, they are most likely to form one of these relationships. Similarly, if a mother really values good grades and a son (or daughter) achieves such grades, they are likely to form a bond.
I think I am actually kind of a mix of a daddy's girl and mama's girl! I am really close with my mom, we can talk about everything and have fun pretty much anywhere. She is such an amazing woman and such a strong role model, and we share a lot of the same values. However, my dad and I also get along really well. We have a lot of jokes, and share a lot of the same attitudes. So it is definitely possible to be close with both of your parents. Knowing that not everyone has that privilege, I am very grateful to have great connections with both of my parents!
I think that it's more about the quality of the time that we spend with them. We might spend a lot of time with one parent, but we also might not connect during that time. If you find something you connect with like Lauren's example of fishing, then any amount of time you spend doing this will bring you closer. So, I think it comes down to common interests that help you form bonds, and the quality of the time you spend together.
I think when i was younger I was closer to my dad. This is because i've always been really into sports and being active. My dad loved this, because he was also very into sports. As time went by though I started to get closer to my mom for somewhat of the same reason that Carolyn said about it being less awkward to talk about things. Then I began to pull further from my dad due to family drama issues. These connections though were formed because of the quality of the time not the quantity.
Well I have to agree that yes a stronger bond formed with one parent over the other has to do with interests, I think it also has to do with qualities. I'm very much like my dad, but I feel that I am closer to my mom. Maybe it's because her qualities are some what opposite of mine and my dad's so I click with her. Frued has a theory though that supports "momma's boys" and "daddy's girls" that says sub conciously they want to be that parents "partner" and move the other parent out of the picture. I think this theory is gross though so we'll leave it at that. Well I'm more of a momma's girl, and am closer to my mom more than ever which I love, but I am also my father's daughter and am much closer to him now that I moved out, and I really love that too.
I think what makes a person either daddy’s little girl or a mama’s boy is not only how much time they spend on them but how much attachment the person allows their parent. Sometimes you hear about a guy girlfriend or wife who is driven crazy by her boyfriend’s mother (mother-in-law) because the mom is so attached to her son that she called at least twice and day and still packs his lunch. Here the son has to be like, ok, enough is enough. But it can both ways when the child calls the mom or the dad more than once a day. I don’t know if any of you have seen the movie Because I Said So, but the mom is super control freak in her daughter’s love life. She even goes as far as putting a personal ad for her daughter online and holds interviews for prospective future husbands for her daughter. She pretty much orchestrates the whole relationship while her daughter is trying to have a relationship with the guy she really wants to be with.
But, going along the same lines I don’t think being either of these things is necessarily bad, the cases I mentioned above were pretty dramatic. For example, I think I’m both mama’s little girl and daddy’s little girl solely because I’m their only daughter. I could probably talk them into quite a few things if I came to something I wanted, but I try not to abuse this power. Then again I know they also have limits. Another example is a friend of mine who’s mom traveled a lot when she was younger, so much that she started telling people at school she didn’t have a mom. She freely admits that she was a major daddy’s girl when she was younger. When her mom found out what was happening, she changed jobs. My friend says she now thinks she’s closer with her mom. I think being closer to one parent also has to do with sex. I think a lot of the time girls are closer with their mom’s because they have a lot more in common, but it can go either way. I also think a factor some families deal with is divorce. If you are spending separate time with each one of your parents, I think you would get closer to each one individually in a separate sense.
I absolutely think it's all about the quality of time that we spend with our parents. Back when I was younger, I was definitely a gigantic daddy's girl (actually, I still kind of am but I've gotten a lot closer to my mom recently). This is actually something I was thinking about earlier in the year since I had to choose between the two to do an interview with one of them for this class. My thoughts were that back in the day I used to be such a daddy's girl since he was always the fun parent who would be gone at work a lot of the time and then whenever he came home from travelling he'd always bring back presents for me and my brother. My favorite memories of when I was younger are always when my dad would come home from a trip early and no one would expect him and then we'd all go do something fun. On the other hand, I felt less close to my mom because she was the one who stayed at home with my brother and I so we always got the full dosage of her nagging us all the time.
My relationship with my parents has changed a lot since when I was little, now I really don't talk to them about important things since I've noticed that it always ends up in some kind of lecture which makes me feel worse about the subject than before we discussed it, but I still always know that if I really need something my dad will have my back even though he puts the most pressure on me now.
I'm almost in the same boat with most of you on this (ha! visualize that!). Time and quality time are very important to create a bond with a child, but I also believe it has a lot to do with respect. When I was a child, I respected my father to the point of fear. He was always doing something amazing, and so I think I feared getting close to him because he seemed so strong and definite to me. I wish I could have been really close to my mom at this time, but she had this whole boundary thing, she was my mother, not my friend and I'd better remember that. So as I grew older, my father became my counterpart, my partner in crime, if you will, and my mom took his place as someone to be revered and respected, not touched. It didn't help that she'd been sick for almost all the time I have her in my memory. We had to be gentle and kind to a woman who never accepted anything less than perfection. She was nothing less than a powerhouse in her prime and was the kind of woman that little girls dream of becoming.
I think I've alway been a daddy's girl because our relationship started with respect and he loved spending time with anyone as long as it was away from work. That doesn't mean I love my mother less, it just means I saw her as something more than I could achieve.
I think that whichever parent you feel closest too is determined by a lot of different factors. I think it obviously is partially affected by the quantity of time spent together, and largely by the quality of time together, but most of all I think it comes down to personalities. What I mean by that is sometimes people just have personalities that 'mesh' better with one person over another, and I think the same can be said about familial relationships, such as mother & daughter, father & son, etc,.
I personally had a different experience than most people growing up: when I was really young my father spent the majority of his time with me, and when I was 9 my parents split up and I didn't see him again for like 10 years. Yet even though I spent the majority of the time with my father, I was still closer to my mother who worked full time. I suppose I'll never know if I would have grown closer to him if he hadn't left, but I'm also grateful to have the mother that I have.
I think the relationship a child has with their mom or dad definitely depends on the amount and quality of time spent with each parent. Like others said, if a child and a parent have similar interests, they are more likely to form that bond. I'm not really sure if I would consider myself a "mama's girl" or a "daddy's girl." Perhaps it's a little of both, or neither, depending on how you look at it. I think I got a little extra (not sure if it was extra, maybe different) attention from my dad because I was his only daughter, and he was more protective of me because of that. However, I was able to connect with my mom and dad equally, but perhaps for different reasons. My dad and I could go hiking or camping together, but my mom and I could connect with "girl talk."
I also agree with Tara when she mentioned different personalities coming into play. My dad and I are both kind of quiet and more relaxed, which allowed us to relate to one another more, whereas my mom is kind of the opposite, which can cause us to butt heads at times.
Anyway, interesting topic! Thanks Carolyn!
I feel like I have an equal relationship with both my parents. However, the relationships I have with them are different.
My dad and I have a very humorous relationship. We always joke around with each other. The thing with that though, is that when we have a serious discussion, it feels more serious than my talks with my mom do. I think that the seriousness mixed with the humor is what makes my relationship with my dad so great.
I have a great relationship with my mom too. I can tell her basically everything. She has always given her input, but kept her distance in order to not interfere with my decisions. One thing I love about my mom is that she always tries to make things special. That woman has hundreds of pictures of our family. She thinks that every moment is worth documenting.
I know that there are many different ways in which a relationship can be great. I think it's the differences that make relationships beautiful. Complexity comes in many forms, and is always full of hidden surprises.
i whole heartedly agree with Tara on this one. I mean the reason we hang out with our parents in the first place is because we like them as people and of course, like Taylor said, we respect them which I think is very important in the relationship with your parent. If you first handedly didnt like how your parents acted or there was a huge difference in personality, most likely you would try your hardest not to hang out with them. Now if you like both your parents, I agree the strongest relationship will begin with having the most time spent and the common interests you both have, the quality of it all.
I think that I am pretty equal between parents right now, i wouldn't saw i'm either a mama or papas girl. Now that I think about it, it might be because I'm the middle child and my little sister "the baby" definitely is a mamas girl and my older sister definitely leans more towards my dad side. I personally like being in the middle. My parents are very different people and that might also be why im not leaning towards one or the other. I have completely different relationships with both.
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